Never Die!
I have come to realize one thing…I miss my dad! More now than ever before I see how much I need him in my life. I couldn’t help but reflect as to how different my life would have been had he not been the man he was. Although he’s been gone now for seven years, its as if it were just yesterday that I was sitting on his bed talking to him about the plans that I had for my life. It’s like it was just yesterday that he was sharing with me the dreams he had for me, the thoughts about seeing his children graduate from college and the likelihood of being able to hold his grandchildren. THAT’S ALL GONE NOW!
There are some things that he’ll never ever have an opportunity to experience and I can’t help but wonder why? Why did he have to die so soon? Didn’t he know how much I needed him? Didn’t he realize that although I was a man, a man needs his daddy just as much, if not more than a child does? There is anger and resentment at times when I look at men who still have their dad’s by their side. I was watching a show on television last night that had fathers and sons on. The sons were sharing how important their fathers are and have been in their life. They were expressing their gratitude and appreciation and I couldn’t help but think, “why couldn’t my dad be here for me to tell him one more time, how much I love him and appreciate him for being the man, dad, and husband that he had become?” Some days I do a lot better than today, but it hurts! Although, as I’ve said, it’s been seven years, the emptiness is still there, but what’s changed is that I can rejoice in the memories.
My father was more than just a sperm donor. He was intricately involved in my upbringing. He was involved in every aspect of my life until the day he died. And as true as I can be, although he is no longer here physically, there is not a day that goes by, that I don’t reflect on his life and thank God, my heavenly Father, for blessing me with such a man. A father and mother are special because they put up with our mess. It’s generally a “given” that your mom and dad will be there for you, even when you do something stupid. Others will walk away from you after you’ve failed so many times, but your parents? They’re usually around for the long haul. That’s what I came to expect about my dad. When I gathered the strength while in college, to call and share with him that I had been molested and was always afraid to tell him. His response somewhat surprised me because it was nothing as I expected. His response was simple and yet unique I that he simply said that there was not one thing that I could ever tell him about my past that could or would change who we were to each other. Wow, that’s a dad!
He was my rock! I could always lean on him for support after that, because I knew that I didn’t have to perform for his acceptance, I came to realize and understand that he was proud of me, no matter what! He was my protector…whenever any hell broke out, whether I was at home or away in college, I could always call him and he’d make everything okay. He gave me a vision to think far past my current situations. He would always talk about his grandchildren and his great-grandchildren…of which he will never see, but he was unselfish because he would always refer to them as the reason why he was doing certain things. This is the reason why I have the mentality that I do today…always thinking three and four generations down the line…because the true test of leadership is not what people do while you’re around, but what they do and how they work together and perform, after you’ve “left the building!”
Now, with my father being gone and me never ever having the opportunity to talk with him while I’m here on this earth, I realize that on one side of things…all I have left is my mom; the one other person that is destined to be there for me through thick and thin. But, I’ve discovered that everything that my dad was too me, my rock, my protector, my shield, my comforter, etc…I’ve found that the ALMIGHTY God is that and then some! I’ve discovered that God has been there for me and will never ever leave my side! I thank God because now I understand the scripture in the book of Isaiah when King Uzziah died and he said that after the King died, he saw the Lord. After further study, Uzziah was a good king, however, he got in Isaiah’s way of seeing who God truly was. I leaned on my earthly father and without knowing, went to him when I should have gone to God. I know God today because of the pain and agony of losing my father. And I know it may sound crazy but I’m glad that I can look back and see the good in something that brought so much pain.
As long as I’m alive…my father will never die!
For those who still have their father’s, don’t take them for granted. Cherish your time with them because you never know when it will end. Because when it’s over, you can’t get it back…believe me, if I could, I would…but the memories...WILL NEVER DIE!
ROBIII+
There are some things that he’ll never ever have an opportunity to experience and I can’t help but wonder why? Why did he have to die so soon? Didn’t he know how much I needed him? Didn’t he realize that although I was a man, a man needs his daddy just as much, if not more than a child does? There is anger and resentment at times when I look at men who still have their dad’s by their side. I was watching a show on television last night that had fathers and sons on. The sons were sharing how important their fathers are and have been in their life. They were expressing their gratitude and appreciation and I couldn’t help but think, “why couldn’t my dad be here for me to tell him one more time, how much I love him and appreciate him for being the man, dad, and husband that he had become?” Some days I do a lot better than today, but it hurts! Although, as I’ve said, it’s been seven years, the emptiness is still there, but what’s changed is that I can rejoice in the memories.
My father was more than just a sperm donor. He was intricately involved in my upbringing. He was involved in every aspect of my life until the day he died. And as true as I can be, although he is no longer here physically, there is not a day that goes by, that I don’t reflect on his life and thank God, my heavenly Father, for blessing me with such a man. A father and mother are special because they put up with our mess. It’s generally a “given” that your mom and dad will be there for you, even when you do something stupid. Others will walk away from you after you’ve failed so many times, but your parents? They’re usually around for the long haul. That’s what I came to expect about my dad. When I gathered the strength while in college, to call and share with him that I had been molested and was always afraid to tell him. His response somewhat surprised me because it was nothing as I expected. His response was simple and yet unique I that he simply said that there was not one thing that I could ever tell him about my past that could or would change who we were to each other. Wow, that’s a dad!
He was my rock! I could always lean on him for support after that, because I knew that I didn’t have to perform for his acceptance, I came to realize and understand that he was proud of me, no matter what! He was my protector…whenever any hell broke out, whether I was at home or away in college, I could always call him and he’d make everything okay. He gave me a vision to think far past my current situations. He would always talk about his grandchildren and his great-grandchildren…of which he will never see, but he was unselfish because he would always refer to them as the reason why he was doing certain things. This is the reason why I have the mentality that I do today…always thinking three and four generations down the line…because the true test of leadership is not what people do while you’re around, but what they do and how they work together and perform, after you’ve “left the building!”
Now, with my father being gone and me never ever having the opportunity to talk with him while I’m here on this earth, I realize that on one side of things…all I have left is my mom; the one other person that is destined to be there for me through thick and thin. But, I’ve discovered that everything that my dad was too me, my rock, my protector, my shield, my comforter, etc…I’ve found that the ALMIGHTY God is that and then some! I’ve discovered that God has been there for me and will never ever leave my side! I thank God because now I understand the scripture in the book of Isaiah when King Uzziah died and he said that after the King died, he saw the Lord. After further study, Uzziah was a good king, however, he got in Isaiah’s way of seeing who God truly was. I leaned on my earthly father and without knowing, went to him when I should have gone to God. I know God today because of the pain and agony of losing my father. And I know it may sound crazy but I’m glad that I can look back and see the good in something that brought so much pain.
As long as I’m alive…my father will never die!
For those who still have their father’s, don’t take them for granted. Cherish your time with them because you never know when it will end. Because when it’s over, you can’t get it back…believe me, if I could, I would…but the memories...WILL NEVER DIE!
ROBIII+
posted by Pastor Rich at 9:30 AM
2 Comments:
This is awesome! I have often found myself asking why. Why wasn't my father this type of person? Why didn't he do this or do that? Why didn't he tell me this or tell me not to do that? Why did wait until his 60's to have a relationship with God? But I have come to realize that it was all for HIS purpose.
I have just come to realize what it means to be a father. My newborn son of 3 months almost 4 now is the apple of my eye. God has placed him as a gift in my life for me to nurture, raise-up, if you will. As a father I have to look at what I am leaving for him and his children and so on and so forth. He will learn what a relationship with God is from me. He will learn discipline, reverance, and humbleness from me. As I look back and begin to see what my father showed me was just the same. Yeah, he made some mistakes but he is still my father and I love him for that. When he leaves this place and I know he will. I thank God for him being in my life.
For those that don't have a father in your life I would like to say that is a TRICK OF THE ENEMY. Your father has been there the whole time. What you missed was the connection in the earthly realm in order to transition you to the spiritual ream. That relationship that truly brings you into who you are. So I thank God for everything-- fathers who are there and fathers who are not. Why do I thank him for this? I thank Him for this because each situation brings you to know Christ better. Understanding that his Father in heaven gave him up so that he could have ALL POWER! GOD gets all the glory!!!
Pastor Rich,
I was traveling in NYC last week and today I read the tribute to your father and fatherhood. As always, your commentary struck a cord with me. I appreciate your candor and willness to expose you true feelings.
I too do not have a natural father. In fact he died when I was 11. What is amazing to me in this juncture of my life is although he and I never had a true relationship with him, there was still a connection. Almost 30 years later, I still find myself occasionally teary-eyed, longing for the father-son relationship and bond. There are so many questions about life and living that a part of me feels can only be answered by a father. Yes, there are others that can give input, but there is a place of safety and refuge with a father that surpasses that of other male-to-male relationships.
After all of this time, I've come to the realization that having that fatherly figure in my life can potentially happen, but in the mean time, I have to strive to be that in the lives of my own kids and my other extended line of "adopted" kids. When I see all of these men dropping sperm like fairy dust and produces kids with no intention of being a father, a part of me becomes beyond angry. If they'd only think about the void that they are creating in their offspring's life. Seems as though almost all of the Brothers are looking for the same thing - a man, a dad, a pop. Call it what you will, but no matter how successful or destitute we are, we need our Daddy.
AJP Cincy
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