Confronting Grief

It’s been just a few days and from the responses that I read I know that I’m not the only one that is struggling with death. You may not have known my friend and fraternity brother, Kevin but if you’re a living being, one thing that I know for sure is that you’ve had to contend with the death of someone close. If you haven’t, as grandma would always say, “keep on living!!!” It’s amazing that someone so young (mid-30’s) could affect so many in so many different ways! To know his struggle with health but yet, every time I would see him and would ask him how he was doing, he would turn the conversation around to inquiring how I was doing! It was so funny because I would always tell him that I was concerned about him and his well being and he’d always tell me he appreciated it, but that his life was in God’s hands! No matter what, come what may, his faith and trust was in God!

This is what’s getting me through right now because I’m learning that, even though many view me as a leader, I’m learning not to appear as being TOO STRONG when something like this takes place. Why? Because it’s not healthy! I learned a valuable thing when my father died and it’s coming back to me now and that is, it’s okay to cry, scream, vent, and say that it hurts! Cuz right now all types of emotions are going through my head and it keeps me wondering about my time here on earth. The scripture says that there is a time to be born and a time to die. It’s amazing that both of these times have nothing to do with us, but God. We didn’t decide when it was time for our birth and we DEFINITELY don’t have a voice when it’s our time to transition to the next life. But the question that I’m asking myself is, “am I prepared for whenever my time is up?” Is my business settled? Is my insurance paid up? Is my will set in motion? If I die today, will it matter that I was born? Will there be lives that can say they were better because I walked this earth? What will be said? Will there be people that will turn a “40-ounce” over my grave as if to say, “peace!” and then go on with life as usual or will there be people who will remember what I stood for and try there best to make their life have meaning? HMMMMM just something that’s causing me to ponder on my comings and goings throughout the day…cuz a lot of the stuff I do could be done a lot better in lieu of the fact that I’m not promised a tomorrow.

Don’t want to come across as being somber, but I am! This is the part of stages of dealing with death that I’m learning takes month to get through. You know, most people will grieve until the body is buried, and then they continue on with a morbid sense of reality like nothing happened…for me, I can’t do that. I have to take time to reflect on the life that just passed and make sure that I’m living my life to the fullest in spite of the pain that the loss has brought me. Yes, I grieve and hurt but this is how I do it best, by voicing my pain I get through it a lot better than I would by “acting” as if I was okay! See, I acted when my dad died…and it came back to bite me months later. No more. It’s important that I go through the stages properly so that I don’t allow a habit to develop, through my suppression, that could set in motion my eventual demise, if you know what I mean?

It's good to be real and acknowledge where I am on this day! I'm not alone because God is with me through this time. He promised He would never leave me or forsake me and He promised that He'd wipe away every tear from my eyes! He has been and will continue to hold me because it does hurt and I do share with many others at this time the loss of a friend, but I'm not going to lose heart for I know that God makes all things work together for good! I find consolation in His word because He's faithful and watches over His word because He cannot lie! Be blessed in knowing this and let the peace of God which passes all understanding keep your hearts and minds during this season in your life.