Dealing with Death
How do you deal with loss? Some people don't really think about it but it's something that I have to process, otherwise I run the risk of holding on to something for years and years to come that could possibly hinder my advancement down the road. Dealing with death is very uncomfortable and if I had my choice, it's something that I'd rather not have to do, but, in this world we don't really have a choice. Death is inevitable and it's important for me to deal with things head-on rather than play the "wait and see" game. As many of you know, my fraternity brother passed away after a long fought battle with cancer. Am I upset? A little...Am I frustrated? Hell yes! Am I ready to quit and call it a day? I answer a resounding NO!
Yes, I'm hurt that my brother, that I had been praying and praying and praying for died, but what can I do about it? Most people like to bury their sorrows with sex, drugs, and alcohol but I've tried some of that and all it does is suppress the anger, frustration, abandonment, etc. So what else is there to do? Well, I learned a while back when I lost my mentor in 1998 that talking about it is a good start. Being able to frame it and give the issue some substance is the best way to get started. During death all types of feelings tend to come up that you never knew you still carried with you. I'm not talking about the feelings of loss, I'm talking about a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with the person who has passed but emotions from your childhood that, if not addressed, could hinder you from having a quality life, marriage, family, being a productive parent, etc.
I never, in a million years, would have figured that a death could cause and stir so much emotion, but it does because of the finality that death brings to a situation. I am not one to hold back my feelings, I used to do that and it would only cause a lot of frustration down the road so that's why I share the way I do because I really want to help others as I help myself and make sure that I'm looking at things from a good perspective.
So whatever you have to do to deal, please do so because you are human and the loss of someone hurts! Hurts like hell but God will see you through! I'm a believer in that because He did it for me and I'm relying on Him to do it through this situation...I've come to find that you never get over death but you learn how to adjust. Those who don't learn how to adjust are the ones who suffer the greatest because their life is now out of balance. Make sure this doesn't happen to you, don't try to be too strong, remember, you are human and it takes time. I lost my father in 1998 and I still have my moments so know this day that WITH GOD, you will be just fine. He understands our tears...Even the silent ones.
Now that's straight up talk!
So whatever you have to do to deal, please do so because you are human and the loss of someone hurts! Hurts like hell but God will see you through! I'm a believer in that because He did it for me and I'm relying on Him to do it through this situation...I've come to find that you never get over death but you learn how to adjust. Those who don't learn how to adjust are the ones who suffer the greatest because their life is now out of balance. Make sure this doesn't happen to you, don't try to be too strong, remember, you are human and it takes time. I lost my father in 1998 and I still have my moments so know this day that WITH GOD, you will be just fine. He understands our tears...Even the silent ones.
Now that's straight up talk!
posted by Pastor Rich at 7:06 AM
2 Comments:
Thanks for that...this was much needed frat!
It’s strange to me how in the face of our mortality we reflect on those things that are most important in life. Most of time this reflection last a little while then we go back to the status quo. For some people death is the only time they give any significant thought to what happens after this life. Generally, we live our lives as if there is no end to it…..except for those times when that little blip in life happens that takes someone we love away. Other than that, how often do we sit down and seriously contemplate what will happen to us after we die…after we all die?
Then how does that impact your life right now. For some it makes them party even harder because they may believe you eat, drink, be merry and die. For others it has brought anger and rebellion toward God…especially when seemingly bad things happen to good people. Particularly when the person who transits is someone you care deeply for.
When there is a threat of death we become suddenly cognizant of God. We’re in prayer; we’re reflective and considerate of the things in life that are most important…namely our relationships - Our relationship with God, with family, with friends. THEN these things take priority over all the other stuff in life – for a little while. For a little while, we become more aware of how precious, yet fragile, the gift of life really is. We give serious thought to our real purpose in this life….the purpose of life in general. If you don’t then you should.
But the reality is that we should be sensitive to these things anyway. The reality is that any of us, could be gone at any minute, anyhow. So what is it about our nature that allows us to put important issues in life like relationship, true purpose, and God on the ‘back burner’ until that little blip in life called death occurs? How is that we “then” can become humble and have reverence for God?
Maybe because it is at a time of death is when we really realize whose air we breathe? Possibly because it is at that time where we actually “see” who has the last and final word regarding our very lives.
I’m glad that God is not a mere man. I’m glad that His love is so deep, and wide, and tall – that it is so big until He sees past how inconsiderate I am to His being, or how so unwilling I am for His purpose. I am so glad that He loves me so much until He understands and forgives me for the blatant disregard and lack of reverence that I give Him everyday until the little blip of death occurs. I’m so glad that in spite of Me He still loves me and offers me a life even after this one is over.
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