Not In Vain

As you know, I’m someone that will admit quite frankly that I still have struggles. If you don’t know, you better ask somebody. Why I say that is, “whom would I be trying to fool?” Why would I want to perpetrate as if I’m all “good” when I feel all types of tension? Why not be honest and transparent and ask for help? Oh yeah, I forgot. We like to waste our time trying to impress people who don’t like us! I’m sick of that! I’m the son of a preacher man and all of my life I had to be the best son! I had to do everything correct. I was the one that was expected to give the speech in front of the church on Easter. I was the one that had to pass my classes with A’s and B’s. Because I was Pastor Brown’s son it was expected of me to be the leader…even though there was all kinds of deranged thoughts going on in my head! Sometimes we really need to think about the pressure that we place on our young people. They deal with a lot whether we want to admit it or not! Whether you ever confess your “mess” or not young people already know you have a story, it’s just a matter of whether you’re comfortable enough to reveal it in hopes that it may help someone.

People ask me all the time why I’m so upfront about the many different issues that I’ve gone through and my response is “to help somebody!” Whether it is an adult or child, at the end of the day they are looking for someone who is going to be genuine and authentic. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of people who hide behind masks as if they’ve got it all together. Even I have to admit that I used to wear a mask…but NO MORE! I’ve played games long enough…I’m tired of the games and the hype. I need someone to connect to who can “feel” my pain and can help sort out the mess that I’ve made in life.

I don’t know where I’d be if it had not been for a man named “Michael.” He was my mentor and he gave unselfishly of himself. Michael was a young man who had a family but he always had time to take my phone call. He would call me daily to check up on me. He would get aggressive with me when I grew distant which is easy to do when someone makes you deal with the “YOU” you don’t want to face inside. If I could tell anyone my story, I could tell Michael. Michael didn’t turn his nose up at me when I told him some of the dark secrets of my past; he embraced me and told me that everything was going to be okay…he loved me through my pain! He walked WITH me, he didn’t walk in front of me or above me…he was my covenant brother. Michael died at the young age of 28 from a heart attack and left behind a wife and three kids. Because of his unselfish sacrifice of love, I can’t help but think of where I am today and pay respect to him for being who God ordained him to be in my life. Michael’s life, although he’s gone, was not in vain because I’m here!

Honestly, there were days that I wanted to give up…as a matter of fact; I still have those days every now and then. But there is no way in hell I can throw in the towel now because I know that there is a greater purpose for my life! It’s the reason I get up in the morning…to help somebody! I don’t know whom but, as the songwriter said, “If I can help somebody…then my living will not be in vain!”