Straight from the Heart
I have been struggling with this for quite sometime now and just now realizing what it truly is. I don’t like being alone. There is no other way to say it. When I’m all by myself, I tend to get very real with the "Me" that I’ve been hiding from others. As I contemplated whether I would really get this transparent with you today, I had to sit and reflect and ask myself, “am I going to be real with everyone?” At first, I was tempted to write something nice and artificial. Something that sounded nice and rosy so that everyone could have that warm fuzzy little feeling inside. Then, I thought to myself, Hell no!
I didn’t struggle to get to this place to get scared of my true feelings. This isn’t easy, putting myself out here like this never is, but if it helps somebody, that’s what it’s all about. But my struggle on the inside can’t be camouflaged when I’m alone…this is why I like to be around people. However, I’ve come to the realization in the past few days, that you can be amongst a crowd but still be all by yourself. This doesn't feel good at all.
As I dare to take this journey called "life," head on, I’m faced with the reality that there are some issues that I’m going to have to continually, daily deal with. Again, I thought that certain struggles in life got better as I matured. I thought that I could reach some state of utopia where angels could sing over my bed. But I’ve found out that I was in a dream world because that isn’t the case.
Walking on this journey and reaching out to people all the while many times I feel as if I’m the one in need. Who is going to be there for me when I fall short? Is there anything or anyone out there for me to turn too? Just some thoughts that make me go Hmmmm? One of the things I agonize, because I'm constantly in front of people on a consistent basis, I don’t ever want to come off as if I have it all together, but then, how can I market myself and say to someone, "go ahead, c'mon and walk this walk with me!"
The only thing that really keeps me in right perspective is realizing that the generation coming behind me needs to see authenticity. As difficult as it is, WE, as peculiar people will never fit into the mold that man has formed for us. As we continue to dive deeper and deeper into our destiny, we have to understand that no one else is truly going to ever understand our calling in life, but us. Yes, it is a lonely feeling, but if you don't face what you're afraid to face, then how can you, in right standing, raise up a generation? How can you prepare them to be the best if you don't have the courage to journey deep into the depths of your soul and uncover what you've been afraid of?
Just a thought provoking word from the heart of a priest...
I didn’t struggle to get to this place to get scared of my true feelings. This isn’t easy, putting myself out here like this never is, but if it helps somebody, that’s what it’s all about. But my struggle on the inside can’t be camouflaged when I’m alone…this is why I like to be around people. However, I’ve come to the realization in the past few days, that you can be amongst a crowd but still be all by yourself. This doesn't feel good at all.
As I dare to take this journey called "life," head on, I’m faced with the reality that there are some issues that I’m going to have to continually, daily deal with. Again, I thought that certain struggles in life got better as I matured. I thought that I could reach some state of utopia where angels could sing over my bed. But I’ve found out that I was in a dream world because that isn’t the case.
Walking on this journey and reaching out to people all the while many times I feel as if I’m the one in need. Who is going to be there for me when I fall short? Is there anything or anyone out there for me to turn too? Just some thoughts that make me go Hmmmm? One of the things I agonize, because I'm constantly in front of people on a consistent basis, I don’t ever want to come off as if I have it all together, but then, how can I market myself and say to someone, "go ahead, c'mon and walk this walk with me!"
The only thing that really keeps me in right perspective is realizing that the generation coming behind me needs to see authenticity. As difficult as it is, WE, as peculiar people will never fit into the mold that man has formed for us. As we continue to dive deeper and deeper into our destiny, we have to understand that no one else is truly going to ever understand our calling in life, but us. Yes, it is a lonely feeling, but if you don't face what you're afraid to face, then how can you, in right standing, raise up a generation? How can you prepare them to be the best if you don't have the courage to journey deep into the depths of your soul and uncover what you've been afraid of?
Just a thought provoking word from the heart of a priest...
posted by Pastor Rich at 3:36 PM
1 Comments:
Rich,
This is so true. I have spent the last 9 years of my life alone amongst the crowd. Always fighting to get that utopia. I too am just discovering it's not there and I will always be fighting .... where do you go for piece for a break ... is it spirituality ????
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