Remembering where I came from
Yesterday was not one of my better days! If I can be transparent once more, I have to say that I spent a great deal of time last night asking the Lord to forgive me for how I allowed the enemy, the great deceiver and manipulator, to push my buttons. He knows my weakness especially as it relates to my mouth! I can say some of the worst things when my temper flares…and boy did it yesterday. I’m doing this so that you can see that I’m not perfect and even on a good day, if you’re not careful, a good day can become a horrible day if you’re not centered and focused on the Lord.
Let me fill you in on my day yesterday so you can see why I needed much prayer last night…it began at 4:30am because I had to teach the 6am bible study on behalf of my pastor who is traveling this week. The irony of this is the teaching was an overview of the book of James. The chapter that caught my attention and immediately brought conviction was chapter three which dealt with the tongue. When you get some time, read the entire chapter…it’s an eye opener! Well, I was transparent throughout the bible study as it pertained to me and my tongue and I let the congregants know that that’s something that I am putting on my altar because I truly want the Lord to do something with my foul language. I don’t know about you, but I’m cool until somebody pisses me off. When that happens, it’s as if I completely become a different person! Let me move on…
After bible study, I was determined to make the day a good one and keep my mind focused on God, when I accepted a phone call. FIRST MISTAKE! When I answered, I discovered that one of my young people who was experiencing some difficulty with a relationship. This was a relationship that I had warned them about, I must add, but this didn’t make a difference at this point, but I listened. It was obvious to me that a “soul tie” had been created so it made the break-up much more difficult. They were ranting and raving going backwards and forwards in everything they said which caused me to erupt and calm them down! In so doing, I kind of lost it for a minute but I was able to gather myself before I totally lost control. Well, got off the phone with them and got another phone call about another one of my young people. Let me stop and say, if you work with young people, you have to be willing to endure afflictions and then some and then some on top of that!!! But let me continue. This young person was talking about a situation where one of my trusted confidants allowed themselves to get lured into a sexual relationship almost like popcorn! Meaning, it wasn’t a week and they were “hittin’ the skins (having sexual intercourse)! The thing about this that really angered me was that no “protection” was used. Now, one thing about me is that I am very transparent about my past and all that I have experienced so for someone so close to be so dumb just for a piece…I mean, I hope you, the reader, can feel my disappointment. I can get into all the details but this situation bothered me tremendously and I got phone call after phone call after phone call because they were seen in public together being quite “friendly.” This was just the second incident and it wasn’t even noon yet. So, at about 2pm, I received my third phone call where I was informed about another sexual relationship that took place right up under my “nose.” And the thing about this one is that all of my young people knew about it as I began to ask around!!!
Well, for those who really know me…let me just say I WENT OFF! I hit my breaking point and began to make threats, cuss, and damn them to hell, so on and so forth! In hindsight, satan really made me look like a fool because God didn’t get any glory from my actions! All He could do was turn His head at my performance, and believe me it truly was a performance! The rest of the day was downhill because I, not anyone else, I allowed it to be so. What could I have done differently? Pray and then remember and reflect on what I used to be like. That’s the route I should have taken. Instead I chose the easy way, cussing, screaming, yelling, and then some…which in the end does more damage than good!
I had to really spend some time with God last night after one of my mentees reminded me that I had to take the higher road! You see, I was ready to cut folks off last night…I damned them to hell and everything, and my mentee stopped me in my tracks, told me to calm down, and think about what I was doing. When I did that, then conviction fell on me and I was utterly embarrassed at the way I was acting out. And this caused me to really take a deep look within my heart because something wasn’t right. Why do I look down on people who struggle sexually? Why do I call people names and try to put myself on a pedestal as if I wasn’t a slut, whore, or tramp? Is it a male thing or what but I had no business discrediting or shaming anyone because in my search for God I allowed myself to hook up with any and everything, thinking that I wanted an orgasm, when, in actuality I was really in pursuit of a divine encounter with God!
The journey doesn’t stop when you’re elevated…the pressure increases and for those who are serious, it costs tremendously to delve deep within the soul to take a face-to-face look at SELF! I ended the night before I went to bed, by addressing some issues with the very young adult that pissed me off the most to let them know that no matter what happens…they are still loved by me and I’m going to walk with them even when they journey into the valley of the shadow of death! Even leaders need to be honest and remember the scripture that says, “and such WERE some of you…” I thank God for humbling me even more as I journey to save this present generation!
Let me fill you in on my day yesterday so you can see why I needed much prayer last night…it began at 4:30am because I had to teach the 6am bible study on behalf of my pastor who is traveling this week. The irony of this is the teaching was an overview of the book of James. The chapter that caught my attention and immediately brought conviction was chapter three which dealt with the tongue. When you get some time, read the entire chapter…it’s an eye opener! Well, I was transparent throughout the bible study as it pertained to me and my tongue and I let the congregants know that that’s something that I am putting on my altar because I truly want the Lord to do something with my foul language. I don’t know about you, but I’m cool until somebody pisses me off. When that happens, it’s as if I completely become a different person! Let me move on…
After bible study, I was determined to make the day a good one and keep my mind focused on God, when I accepted a phone call. FIRST MISTAKE! When I answered, I discovered that one of my young people who was experiencing some difficulty with a relationship. This was a relationship that I had warned them about, I must add, but this didn’t make a difference at this point, but I listened. It was obvious to me that a “soul tie” had been created so it made the break-up much more difficult. They were ranting and raving going backwards and forwards in everything they said which caused me to erupt and calm them down! In so doing, I kind of lost it for a minute but I was able to gather myself before I totally lost control. Well, got off the phone with them and got another phone call about another one of my young people. Let me stop and say, if you work with young people, you have to be willing to endure afflictions and then some and then some on top of that!!! But let me continue. This young person was talking about a situation where one of my trusted confidants allowed themselves to get lured into a sexual relationship almost like popcorn! Meaning, it wasn’t a week and they were “hittin’ the skins (having sexual intercourse)! The thing about this that really angered me was that no “protection” was used. Now, one thing about me is that I am very transparent about my past and all that I have experienced so for someone so close to be so dumb just for a piece…I mean, I hope you, the reader, can feel my disappointment. I can get into all the details but this situation bothered me tremendously and I got phone call after phone call after phone call because they were seen in public together being quite “friendly.” This was just the second incident and it wasn’t even noon yet. So, at about 2pm, I received my third phone call where I was informed about another sexual relationship that took place right up under my “nose.” And the thing about this one is that all of my young people knew about it as I began to ask around!!!
Well, for those who really know me…let me just say I WENT OFF! I hit my breaking point and began to make threats, cuss, and damn them to hell, so on and so forth! In hindsight, satan really made me look like a fool because God didn’t get any glory from my actions! All He could do was turn His head at my performance, and believe me it truly was a performance! The rest of the day was downhill because I, not anyone else, I allowed it to be so. What could I have done differently? Pray and then remember and reflect on what I used to be like. That’s the route I should have taken. Instead I chose the easy way, cussing, screaming, yelling, and then some…which in the end does more damage than good!
I had to really spend some time with God last night after one of my mentees reminded me that I had to take the higher road! You see, I was ready to cut folks off last night…I damned them to hell and everything, and my mentee stopped me in my tracks, told me to calm down, and think about what I was doing. When I did that, then conviction fell on me and I was utterly embarrassed at the way I was acting out. And this caused me to really take a deep look within my heart because something wasn’t right. Why do I look down on people who struggle sexually? Why do I call people names and try to put myself on a pedestal as if I wasn’t a slut, whore, or tramp? Is it a male thing or what but I had no business discrediting or shaming anyone because in my search for God I allowed myself to hook up with any and everything, thinking that I wanted an orgasm, when, in actuality I was really in pursuit of a divine encounter with God!
The journey doesn’t stop when you’re elevated…the pressure increases and for those who are serious, it costs tremendously to delve deep within the soul to take a face-to-face look at SELF! I ended the night before I went to bed, by addressing some issues with the very young adult that pissed me off the most to let them know that no matter what happens…they are still loved by me and I’m going to walk with them even when they journey into the valley of the shadow of death! Even leaders need to be honest and remember the scripture that says, “and such WERE some of you…” I thank God for humbling me even more as I journey to save this present generation!
posted by Pastor Rich at 9:05 AM
2 Comments:
I know we can be disappointed by the actions of others, because we love so hard and want the best for them.....But, everyone has choices he/she has to make. I agree with you...screaming, cussing, and fussing will not affect anyone in a positive manner. We have to show love, but at the sametime be honest and tell our children the many consequences that could come with their actions. At times, we allow "our expectations" to get the best of us in a given situation. We have to meet people where they're at, nuture them into maturity, and hope and pray that they will receive, and follow through with what they have been taught. I too had an encounter around 1am this morning. I listened, I assessed the situation, and then I spoke...with love and kindness. I stated the truth and made it plain. Know the choice is still theirs. My prayer is for God's wisdom on how to minister to the precious ones that he has trusted me with. God Bless you and keep you. Thanks for keeping it real!
Pastor Rich,
It is good to know that when GOD speaks you are able to receive and handle it! It is always important for us to remember are past and the over coming of our struggles. Just when we believe we are free and become comfortable in our salvation, we are attacked. Not always on the issue from which we proclaim great victory do these attacks arrive. It is funny, in all our gloating of things we shout delivered, but we only seem to whisper issues concerning our present struggles and short comings. We must always remember nothing begins at the end!
Romans 8:18
Our reception of knowledge and growth should never stop,
Julian
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