I'm Here Again?
The Lord has led me, yet again, into another season of obscurity. How? By calling me into a place where very few folks, saved and unsaved, can ever go. This is a place where you lose your complete identity. You see; I was one of those people who thought I could have the best of both worlds. I was one of those who would get caught from those who were caught up and before I knew it, I’d be in their world living vicariously through their situations and circumstances whatever the case would be. But today that stops. I have to do a much better job of guarding my surroundings. I have to guard my spirit against the forces that are trying to penetrate against the very nature of God. They are out there, waiting, lurking in the shadows waiting for me to put my guard down. I have to spend some good time with the Lord so He can show me what is to come! So He can get more of Him in me and, this as I’ve said before, costs my entire life!
God has been beckoning me to come near unto Him for a while now, and from what took place, or should I say, what began last year, I didn’t want to go down another route of this magnitude. I didn’t want to spend that much time with God because when I’m all-alone with Him, I have to see myself for who I really am. I can’t fudge myself up and make myself look all sappy! I can’t make myself out to be something I’m not the way others can! So, pretty much, to go where He’s leading me I have to give up relationships that I’ve had with people in order to not lean on them. I don’t know about you, but me, I do a great job of leaning on people. I do a great job letting people know how much I need them in my life. I can be just like other young people who always want to take their friends with them along for the ride.
Well, it stops here! God is calling me to a higher place of worship and this place is only fit for me. I don’t even know why, nah…yes I do, I know why God has been calling on me to step up. Because I said yes to Him! I said to Him years ago that I didn’t want to be ordinary. I didn’t want to be casual. I didn’t want to be average. I wanted to go where others couldn’t go in the spiritual realm. I wanted to focus in on the majors instead of doing what a lot of people do, major in the minors. That’s not me. I didn’t go through (I say this all the time!) all that I went through for an average anointing. The God in me is ready to burst out and come forth! The God on the inside of me is accepting the charge that has been given to me to arise and possess the Kingdom. Meaning, take over any and every situation and circumstance that comes my way. God didn’t give me anything average; He gave me something concrete and unmovable. He placed inside of me words that will break bondage and loose shackles for thousands and thousands of folk.
There is nothing to worry or fear because God is with me. He’s better than with me, He is inside of me manifesting to the world His good pleasure. Yes, it hurts. The pain is great that I’m going through right now. The pain of Him showing me the people that can’t go with me is something that I had never experienced to the degree that I’m experiencing now. As a matter of fact, if I would have known that it was going to feel anything like this, I may have turned around and said, “Forget It!” But it’s too late now; (in the words of Leonardo di Caprio, from the motion picture Titanic) I’m involved! My everything is in this because it has cost me everything I have. Everything that I have ever desired all of a sudden means nothing to me. To me, now I don’t care what comes…although I really do, if you can understand that statement. It doesn’t matter to me what happens because I know that the Lord is going to do what it is He does! He set me up but it’s okay because I know that my Father is rich in mercy and grace. I know that He won’t do me wrong. Although it may look like it’s bad, in God nothing is bad, except when you walk away from Him and quit Him! Me, I’m no quitter. I take a lick and keep on ticking. It’s going to take more than what I’m going through to get me to walk away! God has me in hiding. I’ve been saying this for a while know, because He’s taking me to the generations! He’s not allowing me to waiver. He’s not allowing me compromise with the traditions of men. It’s hard as hell but what do I do? Do I stop? Hell no, I just said that I’m not a quitter. I’ve lost too much to quit.
There are two special people who have passed into the next life that didn’t die in vain. Richard O. Brown Jr. and Michael Lee DeShay, My father and my mentor/teacher. And when I see them again, I’ll let them know that their labor was not worthless. The time they spent preparing me for the world was time well spent. The time they spent going off on me when I needed it was time well spent. The time that they took out of their busy schedules didn’t go unnoticed to me and I thank God this day for giving them to me. If they could see me now, I’m sure they’d be proud of the circumstances and temptations that I have endured to get to where I am today. As proud of me as they’d be, I know that Michael would tell me not to get excited over yesterday because yesterday is gone! Michael would tell me that I couldn’t judge today by the standards of yesterday! He’d give me a list of things that I need to watch out for and then tell me, God speed son!
They’ve both been gone now from the physical for seven years, and it feels just like yesterday that God promoted them to glory!
Like I’ve said, this dimension that I’ve been charged to endure is painful but it’s for my making. It’s making me into the man of God that is being sent to the generations for such a time as this. Now is not the time for just book knowledge, in and of itself. Now is the time for power and demonstration coupled with teaching of the word of God. I can’t pick and choose what part of the Bible I’m going to follow. The word is the word, nothing more, nothing less!
I’ve been trying to escape this death walk of sorts. Why? Because whenever I’m beckoned on this particular obstacle course, I see what I don’t want to see. I discover what I didn’t want to discover. The things that are done in secret, God shines His light on them and then I’m held accountable for what I do with what He’s now shown me. There is a part of me that wishes that I would have taken the other pill (play on words taken from the motion picture, The Matrix), but I took the pill that has now brought me to this place, the point of no return!
Prayerfully, I’ll see you, if you make it!
God has been beckoning me to come near unto Him for a while now, and from what took place, or should I say, what began last year, I didn’t want to go down another route of this magnitude. I didn’t want to spend that much time with God because when I’m all-alone with Him, I have to see myself for who I really am. I can’t fudge myself up and make myself look all sappy! I can’t make myself out to be something I’m not the way others can! So, pretty much, to go where He’s leading me I have to give up relationships that I’ve had with people in order to not lean on them. I don’t know about you, but me, I do a great job of leaning on people. I do a great job letting people know how much I need them in my life. I can be just like other young people who always want to take their friends with them along for the ride.
Well, it stops here! God is calling me to a higher place of worship and this place is only fit for me. I don’t even know why, nah…yes I do, I know why God has been calling on me to step up. Because I said yes to Him! I said to Him years ago that I didn’t want to be ordinary. I didn’t want to be casual. I didn’t want to be average. I wanted to go where others couldn’t go in the spiritual realm. I wanted to focus in on the majors instead of doing what a lot of people do, major in the minors. That’s not me. I didn’t go through (I say this all the time!) all that I went through for an average anointing. The God in me is ready to burst out and come forth! The God on the inside of me is accepting the charge that has been given to me to arise and possess the Kingdom. Meaning, take over any and every situation and circumstance that comes my way. God didn’t give me anything average; He gave me something concrete and unmovable. He placed inside of me words that will break bondage and loose shackles for thousands and thousands of folk.
There is nothing to worry or fear because God is with me. He’s better than with me, He is inside of me manifesting to the world His good pleasure. Yes, it hurts. The pain is great that I’m going through right now. The pain of Him showing me the people that can’t go with me is something that I had never experienced to the degree that I’m experiencing now. As a matter of fact, if I would have known that it was going to feel anything like this, I may have turned around and said, “Forget It!” But it’s too late now; (in the words of Leonardo di Caprio, from the motion picture Titanic) I’m involved! My everything is in this because it has cost me everything I have. Everything that I have ever desired all of a sudden means nothing to me. To me, now I don’t care what comes…although I really do, if you can understand that statement. It doesn’t matter to me what happens because I know that the Lord is going to do what it is He does! He set me up but it’s okay because I know that my Father is rich in mercy and grace. I know that He won’t do me wrong. Although it may look like it’s bad, in God nothing is bad, except when you walk away from Him and quit Him! Me, I’m no quitter. I take a lick and keep on ticking. It’s going to take more than what I’m going through to get me to walk away! God has me in hiding. I’ve been saying this for a while know, because He’s taking me to the generations! He’s not allowing me to waiver. He’s not allowing me compromise with the traditions of men. It’s hard as hell but what do I do? Do I stop? Hell no, I just said that I’m not a quitter. I’ve lost too much to quit.
There are two special people who have passed into the next life that didn’t die in vain. Richard O. Brown Jr. and Michael Lee DeShay, My father and my mentor/teacher. And when I see them again, I’ll let them know that their labor was not worthless. The time they spent preparing me for the world was time well spent. The time they spent going off on me when I needed it was time well spent. The time that they took out of their busy schedules didn’t go unnoticed to me and I thank God this day for giving them to me. If they could see me now, I’m sure they’d be proud of the circumstances and temptations that I have endured to get to where I am today. As proud of me as they’d be, I know that Michael would tell me not to get excited over yesterday because yesterday is gone! Michael would tell me that I couldn’t judge today by the standards of yesterday! He’d give me a list of things that I need to watch out for and then tell me, God speed son!
They’ve both been gone now from the physical for seven years, and it feels just like yesterday that God promoted them to glory!
Like I’ve said, this dimension that I’ve been charged to endure is painful but it’s for my making. It’s making me into the man of God that is being sent to the generations for such a time as this. Now is not the time for just book knowledge, in and of itself. Now is the time for power and demonstration coupled with teaching of the word of God. I can’t pick and choose what part of the Bible I’m going to follow. The word is the word, nothing more, nothing less!
I’ve been trying to escape this death walk of sorts. Why? Because whenever I’m beckoned on this particular obstacle course, I see what I don’t want to see. I discover what I didn’t want to discover. The things that are done in secret, God shines His light on them and then I’m held accountable for what I do with what He’s now shown me. There is a part of me that wishes that I would have taken the other pill (play on words taken from the motion picture, The Matrix), but I took the pill that has now brought me to this place, the point of no return!
Prayerfully, I’ll see you, if you make it!
posted by Pastor Rich at 8:20 AM
1 Comments:
It's amazing! I was just asking God some of these exact same questions last night. Thank you for being so daring to confront the innerman Pastor Rich.
Mary B.
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