Real Talk (from the desert of Iraq)

I write to pronounce "Real Talk" to you all. For so long you have been told riff-raff from the world to the church, from leaders, to your friends, who sits right next to you on certain issues and this day I tell you IT CEASES NOW!!! I even have, at times, spoke to just cause an excitement to many and even though my intentions seemed good I had trouble dealing with the same issues that you all go through myself. I said what seemed to be the right thing to say but like the saying goes "Talk is cheap": and it’s "easier said than done". So for a moment let me get "Real". Now before I came to this conclusion to address this and expose myself I had to go through some transformation and I had to let GOD in all the way to reveal where I have came from. I went through some things in my life from childhood to even in the now that some can relate to. I grew up without a physical father in the household and from being the oldest and watching my mother struggle angered me and put a hatred and distrust in my heart for him as well as other men. I watched two more men bring my brothers into the world and do the same thing and it was not only a disrespect to my mom but to me as well because it made me feel like I was more of a burden than a blessing. Of all the men in my family only my uncle Tim seemed to have any sense on positive living, I was never constantly around him to take it and apply it. I grew up around and for you holy folks cover your ears up "NIGGAS" who never had anything going for them and clearly didn't care and what there life was about at times but you know that they were something that most of the men in my family wasn't "AROUND" and even though I didn't succumb to their lifestyle fully I took on some of the ways of the streets from gangs to feeling like you had to prove yourself to people all the time and it was hard because I fell in between worlds from trying to hang with the "Big dawgs" and staying in my lane with the "young guns". Which is where a lot of you are today.

I grew up in a church that was traditional to no end. Kids were there to fill pews and listen and give no insight and you all know what type of church I'm talking about, ain't that right? So it never occurred to me until I left that church why the youth that came out of that church growing up with me seemed to be in the same position. The only thing I could tell you about the church is that cushioned pews feel a lot better than wooden ones ‘cuz sleeping is all I did. So I found myself before I knew it a teenager camouflaged between two worlds. I was mature enough, thanks to a wonderful mother, to adapt to the big kids but I didn't miss just being the playful little “Vonnie” that everyone seemed to like. I still, to myself, felt worthless! Even though people came around and told me that I had a knack for making them laugh, it was all a front because deep inside I saw myself depressed and inadequate. Because of the absence of my father and the struggle of my family, I used making other people laugh as a defense mechanism to keep people from noticing my hurt and learning about my business because I knew when people hear about you they gossip to others and before you know it the whole city knows your business. I couldn't see myself going down that path but it happened anyway.
Like I said around this time I'm a teenager and I’m going through things that as an adolescent I didn't go through like getting involved with girls…Intimately a.k.a. SEX, hittin’ it, getting some swizz, creepin’, you know the slang!!! I was told that I attracted people very easily by the way I was and I always treated women with respect ‘cuz my mama instilled that in me if nothing else, (I have the wounds to prove it). But during this time period I fell accustomed to always needing somebody around me. For those who don’t know, once you've had sex, I’m telling you good or bad, you want it again and again. For me, I felt lonely without it and in the relationships I got myself into I didn't force it but it was known that it was needed from time to time. Before I knew it, I would be getting IT on the regular and it wasn't with just one partner because I needed something new and fresh, you know how ya’ll buy your tennis shoes – you buy the new Jordan’s today and turn around next month and get the new pair that come out. (I worked at Finish Line I know the routine quite well). But the sex drive had me going - I had to have it. For a while it seemed great because my playa’ resume looked full and on the female side of things I had no complaints. The females talked so it made others curious to get to know me for themselves so to me the more the better.

But sex costs and the price is "Drama." I discovered that I didn’t love these women but on the contrary, I was making soul ties because some of the stuff that I was going through with them was not even in my nature to begin with. It got to the point where I was getting caught up in more drama than a “lil bit” if it wasn’t another dude that wanted to fight me, it was one of my sisters who I ended up arguing with over some “he say she say” garbage. It was a trip!

So after all that happened I had to make a change and that had to be "Letting GO" which is the HARDEST THING TO DO. I first thought that coming over here to Iraq would get me away from the drama but I found myself getting into the same issues over here in the desert. God had to show me that this was something that I could NOT run from any longer. I had to surrender to Him and make myself available for HIM to change me. In other words, I couldn’t change myself! I tell you its not easy and it won't get easy everything in life is a test and everything happens for a reason I put my business out there so you could see that even me, a leader still has to contend with my issues and God has been showing me that I am a seed and in order for me to grow into greatness I had to have some dirt. I can't live for acceptance of the world because they can't give me the destiny that HE has for me. While being over here I have found that I continue to mess up because I’m not perfect and its a daily struggle to be a man of GOD when everything and everyone around you is opposite but I ask for your prayers as I fight and I stay before God daily to protect me from all hurt harm and danger. I MUST REMAIN FOCUSED because any moment could be my last as I stand on watch for a nation. I love you all and that's REAL TALK from one who once fell but got back up.

Sgt. Tavon Patterson

TAVON IS LEARNING TO ENDURE THE TESTS AND TRIALS OF LIFE! IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH LOCATION...AS YOU CAN SEE FROM HIS BLOG, THE SAME DRAMA THAT HE ENCOUNTERED HERE IN THE STATES WAS OVER THERE IN THE DESERT OF IRAQ AS WELL. WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT GENERATIONS ARE WAITING FOR YOU TO DISCOVER SOMETHING GREATER ABOUT LIFE.

I ASK YOU, DID YOU TAKE THE BAIT AND FALL SHORT? IF SO, WIPE YOURSELF OFF, GET UP AND START OVER! GET RID OF THE CROWD THAT YOU'VE BEEN AFRAID TO LET GO OF! IT WON'T BE EASY BUT GOD WILL GRACE YOU THROUGH THIS TIME. COUNT IT ALL JOY! YOU'RE STILL ALIVE AREN'T YOU? OKAY THEN, WHY ARE YOU WHINING AND COMPLAINING? IT COULD BE WORSE! REJOICE BECAUSE GOD IS MAKING YOU INTO WHO HE ORDAINED FOR YOU TO BE!

IT'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT!