Can you endure suffering?

This is a question that we have to ask ourselves on this journey. So many of us try to escape the process of suffering but miss the point that in order to know Christ, we must know Him in every aspect. As a child, we learned the most valuable lessons...when we suffered (through discipline) from doing something we weren't supposed to do. Through spankings and beat-downs (as we got older) we learned to understand what our parents will and won't accept from us. Well, it's the same way with Christ! You can't reign and rule with Him unless you suffer with Him!

If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, be careful what you pray for. Let me give you an example; say for instance somebody says they want to be like Pastor Rich. So you ask the Lord for the same level of transparency that I have when it comes to revealing weaknesses that you still deal with. Or you can ask the Lord for the same level of authority and boldness that I walk in. Realize one thing, you have to go through what I’ve gone through (or equivalent) to get it! You’re not going to get it free of charge! Salvation is the only thing free!

I could write a book and just might one day on the countless nights I spent wanting to kill myself. For some of you who haven’t kept up, I’ve discussed this before but I was molested as a youngster and didn't know what to do or who to talk to so I let the enemy talk to me and tell me that no one loved me and that it was no use, that I should just give up now and escape so I wouldn't bring any shame to my dad and mom...or when I would be out in the clubs having unprotected sex with everybody! You weren't there when I had to, as a pastor's son, live a double life...it was all a charade...I knew how to act the part of a church goer...I knew how to throw my hands up and shout and everything to play the role...so I could just make it through for the moment!!! I had told the Lord that I didn't want to be just the average preacher that got his ministerial license out of a cracker-jack box! You weren't there when I was at the clinic for contracting an STD (time and time again) and kept telling the Lord if He could just keep me from the hand of the doctor's swab!!!!! I won't do it again...and then I'd go right back out and "KICK IT" all night! Wow! So much I went through needlessly...but it brought me to know Christ in a very real way! You weren't there...when the doctors told me that there was nothing they could do...but God!

You see, this gives me the validity to speak with the authority that I speak with...you weren't there when the glorious church of God eulogized me and basically counted me as a has been and said I'd never be anything...you weren't there when I had to nurse my father...and help him use the restroom and change his bed sheets and watch my mother's body get worn out by having to basically pick him up and move him from place to place...and you weren't there when I received notice in a Cleveland airport that my father (of whom I had just kissed on the forehead 2 hours before and said I'd call him that evening) had died of a massive heart attack. You weren't there for any of it! But God was there WITH ME through it all!

Suffering? If you ain’t been through nothin’ then you don’t know a thing about suffering! We tend to run away from pain and suffering. All over you have people that don’t want any scars but until you have scars you are not authentically apart of the body of Christ! Have you ever thought about it from that perspective? If not, just go Hmmmm.

So I close by asking you…can you endure suffering?

Stop Hatin'!

It’s not often that I stop the normal flow to address an issue that has been brought to my attention, however, this is what today’s blog is about.

But when I think about it, this is what being on high alert is all about…the enemy is forever working his plan, which is to steal, kill, and destroy anything that is of God. Now, you may ask, what is he talking about? Let me explain…

Yesterday I received an email from a true brother…he explained to me that he was hearing some things that bothered him about my dealings in Toledo, the city that I reside in. He told me that I needed to be careful as to the things that I do with some of the youth that I allow to be around me. He went on to explain that he didn’t want me to be another Michael Jackson and have my name tarnished because of one or two crazy boys. He even went further and said that people were talking about the time that I spend with my kids and told me that I have to protect myself. I understand this completely, especially in the midst of everything that is going on around this country as it pertains to molestation, however, there is something a bit deeper that I have to focus on…it’s not what people are saying that bothers me, it’s WHO is saying what…that is bothering me.

Time and time again, I have been warned that people run their mouths all the way too much. I’ve been told to be careful, now I don’t take caution lightly, and every time I’m told to be careful, I ALWAYS PRAY AND ASK GOD TO SHOW ME FURTHER WAYS TO PROTECT MYSELF so don’t get me wrong with what I’m about to address.

But it seems that the ones who are doing most of the talking are those who struggle sexually. I know I’m going through great strides by putting this out here like this…but you should know by now that I’m not one for games. For those of you who don’t know me personally, let me explain my passion. I love young people and I more than anything want to see them grow to become all that God has ordained them to be. Quite clearly because I’m a man, I spend more of my time with the boys because I don’t want anyone to say I’m doing anything unseemly with the girls. Well, now people tend to think that there are ulterior motives because I’m with the young men. It’s a catch 22. I’m Damned either way it goes…mind you, I talk quite candidly about being molested years ago by a preacher within the church! So, you know that puts me in a box to be stigmatized as GAY! I’m just going to go ahead since I’m on this bandwagon because this kind of stuff has to stop. I don’t have kids sleeping in my bed! I’m not a fruitcake. I don’t play games with them and make them hot chocolate! MY GOD, THAT AIN’T ME!

It’s more so that I provide for them a stability that most of them have never had before. I am a counselor to a great many of them. I don’t expect for most of you to ever understand the bond that I have with my boys…really I DON’T CARE, it’s not for you to understand…but if there is anything that you can do, ANYTHING AT ALL. Can you try praying? Instead of badmouthing me to people who have the same problems as you do…why don’t you offer up a prayer? Well, you might ask, “what should I pray for?” I’m glad you asked…pray that these young men wake up and realize who they are. Pray that these young men fight through the confines of society that have already pigeon-holed them before they even turn 18 years of age. Pray that they can break the generational curses from over their lives. Pray that the curse STOPS with their generation…and doesn’t continue to wreak havoc in their bloodline! Pray that they are able to realize the schemes of the enemy to rob them of their inheritance in Christ! Pray that they become the prophets, priests, and kings of their home. Pray that they are able to marry ONCE and raise a healthy family in a system that has been set up against them coming from a single-mother home. That’s the stuff you can pray to help me out. Why don’t you try that instead of hatin’? Some of you may say that you are genuinely concerned and to that I respond…then why haven’t I heard from you? Why haven’t you bothered to pick up the phone and see about my well-being? Why haven’t you called me to see if there was anything you could do to lift the burden that I walk with on a daily basis? Why? Because that’s too much work, that’s why…it’s a lot easier to call someone and gossip then it is to show genuine, authentic concern about this present generation!

And to the rest of you who are struggling sexually, whether you presume yourself to be gay or straight, do you know what else you can do? Stop sleeping around!!!! I’m talking to men sleeping with men, men sleeping with women and even women with women…whatever you believe your sexual orientation to be…don’t throw stones at me…My kids love me and anyone of them can tell you that I ain’t ever tried NOT ONE THING with them…HOMEY DON’T PLAY THAT! If I needed to get some, there is plenty of free azz offered to preacher’s everyday of the week right up in church! But I ain’t on that either! So that’s what you can do…because every time you creep around and fall into the pit of despair, that’s one more nail that others will throw at me so they can throw blame on someone other than the perversion that’s in their own spirit! Because people will automatically think that I’m about the same thing and I’m not!

I’m not writing this with anger, but rather because of frustration. I’m attempting to express to you what is needed in order to address the ills of this society directly instead of mamsy-pamsying things the way things have been done in prior generations! In case you don’t know, we’re in a battle for our young people and lives are at stake. There are children dying and generations are coming up each and every day that NEED TO SOMEONE WHO IS WILLING TO GIVE IT ALL UP!

Peace out!

Nobody’s gonna turn me around!

I ain’t gonna let nobody or no-thing turn me around and get me all distracted from my destiny! You see, on this journey, just like God watches us, the enemy watches us too! He knows our weaknesses and he knows just what we would love to do…down in the depths of our mind. The enemy is very tricky and will stop at nothing to get you and me all the way out there…and then leave us up the creek without a paddle! We fall for it time and time again…but today, more than ever before, I’m determined that I’m not goin’ to let nobody or no-thing turn me around!

I’ve got to remember where I came from and all of the hell that I encountered thus far on this journey! Life ain’t been no easy bed of roses! Angels haven’t slept over my bed every night! Some nights I feel like there were some demons laying right next to me…hell, I don’t know about you, but I’m talkin’ about me today! There have been friends that I’ve had to let go of, as I was talking about last week, and it was hard! Damn! When I think about all the time I wasted around with people who are beneath me, it really gets me upset! Wow! I’ve come to realize that I’ve been my own worst enemy! Not the devil, but me! The enemy-in-a-me! I made decisions that I’m still paying for and when I look back, I have to ask myself, why? Was it worth it Rich? Was it worth the sleepless nights? Was it worth the hospital visits? Was it worth seeing others rollin’ past me driving my blessing? Was it worth the torment that was going on in my mind? Was it worth the stress? See, sleeping around doesn’t bring much peace, oh yeah; orgasmic peace just lasts for the minute people!!! So, hear me loud and clear! I’m not looking for an orgasmic peace, that’s the last thing on my mind…I’m looking for a peace deep down within the soul into the recesses of the heart! Now that’s where I’m looking for my insecurities to be met, not in the superficial. There are too many folks that are looking for a cheap thrill; instead, they need to be looking for something that is more sustaining than a 5-minute pleaser! You know what I’m talking about so don’t get all high and mighty with me! I’m only saying what you’re thinking.

It’s time out for the fun and games. I’m in this for the long haul, so that may mean that my dearest friends will have to wait on the sidelines! Cuz I am for real, I am not going to let nobody or no-thing turn me around ever again! I messed up last year and allowed people to block my blessing and now here we are, a year later and I’m passing this test now with flying colors! I can’t afford to let arrogance and pride to mess me over! NO, not this time, there are too many lives that are hanging in the balance…how ‘bout you? Are you ready to find out what lies ahead for you in the deep abyss? If you are, then you need to change your outer clothing and dress yourself in some deep-sea gear! Because there are a lot of things that are getting ready to happen but only those prepared will survive!!!!

Dropping Excess Baggage

When God wants to bless you, He’ll bring a person into your life. Likewise, when the enemy wants to destroy you, he’ll also bring a person into your life. When God wants to protect you, He’ll remove someone from your life and when He wants to change the seasons in your life someone will enter your life who sees what you cannot see and does something you cannot do yet this person believes in you. LISTEN UP: When the enemy wants to destroy you he will send a person in your life that will magnify your weaknesses, (or in other words cuz some people may be slow), you’ll be in bed before you know it or you’ll be right back in the situation you prayed to get delivered out of!!! They’ll blind you to your focus and your destiny and magnify your flaws instead of your gifts.

THIS IS THE TEST – take a look at who’s around you! Take a look at your crowd for the past six to twelve months.

When God wants to protect you He will remove somebody from your life – in other words- He’ll take a mutha out!!!!!! For instance, when He got ready to bless the church in the book of Acts, Ananias and Sapphira had to come out because they were liars and He didn’t want the entire church to be cursed, so He had took ‘em out! Some of us are messed up because He had to remove some of our stumbling blocks in order to protect us from being cursed! Remember it’s a generational thing and everything you do affects the next 3 to 4 generations! Look at it like this, when someone is subtracted, subtraction is the first step to multiplication! So, although it looks like you’ve lost out, you’re about to gain so much more!

God will take out a “Saul” so He can get a “David” (read the book of I Samuel), some of us have been chasing after what God removed but we forget that He did it so that your focus would be on Him and not people! As a lot of people know, I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks with disappointment from those who are the closest to me. It seems as if everybody has completely lost IT but this had to take place because my confidence was in people and not on the Lord. Some of us have been chasing misery and the only reason why God broke the soul ties is so that you and I could be who He ordained for us to be!!! I remember when I had to LET GO of my special someone! Boy, it wasn’t anything nice! As a matter of fact, it was PURE HELL! I didn’t let go on my own…it was as if God snatched them from me…while I was screaming….NOOOOOOOOO! When you think about it, many of us are in the dilemma that we’re in today because of words that we spoke over our lives when it seemed that our “soul ties” were being snatched away from us, words like, “I can’t see myself without [_____] in my life.” Or “I can handle [______] we can just be friends!” As the character, Madea, said in the stage play, MADEA GOES TO JAIL, “It’s a trick!”

I don’t know if you realize it, but your blessing has been held up because you refused to cut off that special “someone.” And the pain that you’re experiencing now has come because of your disobedience. It’s not easy to do but it’s something that has to be done if you intend to walk in purpose and destiny. And I know what most of you are thinking because you may not be in the “act” itself. I thought the same way for quite sometime, but just because I wasn’t physically doing anything I thought that I was okay, but then God showed me my heart. He knows the heart. He knows what’s inside and that’s where He’s placing His attention, inside the heart. Prov. 23:7 says, “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he.” God is in pursuit of the “you” that you are when no one else is around. That’s why He’s cutting people away so you can be all by yourself. This is where He wants you so He can do some constructive surgery that has needed to be done for quite some time now. He is the only one that can take away the stony heart and give you a new heart! This is the ultimate goal if you’re a person who’s going somewhere in life! Because in the final analysis, at the end of the day, the heart is deceitful and will make you believe that you’re okay, when you’re not okay. It’s the heart that will make you ignore the warning signs that lead to destruction. Life is too short to be joined to the wrong person so don’t allow yourself to be deceived. Let go of the excess sh!$ in your life! Get mad as hell and decide not to take it anymore! I know I did and it’s made all the difference in my outlook on life.

What's really good??? (SPECIAL COMMENTARY)

THIS QUESTION WAS ASKED IN TODAY'S COMMENTS BY AN ANONYMOUS WRITER. I FELT COMPELLED TO ADDRESS THIS TODAY BECAUSE OF THE URGENCY IN MY SPIRIT!

(How can we as a generation teach the up and coming generation when we ourselves have not really gotten down to the CORE issues? I mean WHY is it that we are so easily mislead as it pertains to sex? Is it more than just not knowing who we are? What is really at the bottom of this?)

Thank you for this question. Let me begin by saying this…look at this present generation…and compare it to the generation of the 80’s. Think about it for a moment…

Now, think about the peer pressure of the 80’s and compare it to the peer pressure NOW!

Okay, now look at the church of the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s…I don’t know what you see, but I see a photocopy of the same exact thing today! What’s changed about the church, at large? NOTHING! We are still using the warfare of yesterday to combat against the enemy who has upgraded and is more technologically savvy! It’s like fighting the War in Iraq with the artillery from World War II. It doesn’t work! The church has got to upgrade or we run the risk of becoming extinct! This is why our kids don’t want to come to church…because all they do is get into the time zone and venture back to the past for 2 hours on Sunday…but we do a horrible job, at large showing people how the church is relevant for TODAY!

Nuff said? Nah…not even close!

Now let me go on…We are in an age where the shows that are the heavy hitters are now the reality TV programs…why? Because people want something they can relate to on an everyday basis…so if I can tune in to see “Jake” compete in a contest and watch his every day comings and goings…we have young people that’d rather stay home and watch Jake, cuz at least they can relate to the shortcomings…the home life issues, and the other different happenings of his world while he’s on television for an hour! It’s easy to relate to in today’s world, where as in the 80’s the entire world was somewhere between Dallas, Dynasty, and the Cosby Show! Times change, people change…but the church has remained traditional…just like the dinosaurs…and you know what happened to the dinosaurs don’t you? If not, you better ask somebody!

Headed for self-destruction!

THE QUESTION WAS ASKED BY AN ANONYMOUS WRITER: How can we relate when we don’t know how?

This is a great question that first has to be realized in the heart before you can get to the root of the problem. We are living in a world where the divorce rate is at an alarming rate. Single parent households are increasing and yet even more babies are being born to babies. Why is all this taking place? I’LL TELL YOU WHY: We have a relation problem. Let me explain.

Most of us don’t know how to relate to one another because we don’t know who we are. We have no clue as to what our purpose and destiny is. Don’t believe me? Let’s go a little deeper. In a man’s mind, they relate to a woman by having sex. This defines who they are…the number of “nutts” that they can get off…by how loud the woman gets while performing for her…and how many different names she can call him while he’s manipulating her body to make her feel good. Do you get that? For her to call him GOD, and you know that’s what a lot of women call their man when he’s doing them GOOD, he’s got to perform sexually. Now lets go a little deeper, why is it that men feel they are not a man if they aren’t sexin’ somebody? It’s a strange but true question.

Now lets see if we can uncover something right here, a man who doesn’t know who he is will stop at nothing to find someone, anyone, who will make him feel like a man…because it’s in his nature. Whereas, a man, who is confident in who he is, understands his purpose and destiny and knows that the enemy is hot on his track, he’ll be a little more reserved in his quest to get his rocks OFF! If you feel me…

When I look at this generation…and I’m really referring to 40 years of age on down, we see a generation of misfits, both men and women, trying to get in where they fit in. Sexin’ like it’s going out of business because they are so desperate for acceptance and affirmation, they’ll put their own life on the line just to feel loved for a MOMENT! And in the final analysis of things, that’s all it really is…A MOMENT. Once the thrill is gone, for men that is, we run the risk of losing our heart if we aren’t careful because there are a lot of women out here who will take our heart and then be out the door! Have you ever wondered why some of your friends (men) were confident before they met who they thought was Ms. Right all to see them become a stalker? Before they met the chick, they had their stuff together. Before they met who they thought was Ms. Right, they weren’t abusive, but after they made that soul tie, then you saw your friend self-destruct before your very eyes! Well, let me tell you why, Ms. Right took more than the orgasm…she took his self-esteem, she took his destiny and vision and because she had it, he was locked up and couldn’t move forward because she had his belongings in her soul. I’ve seen this happen on both sides of the track, with men and women, and the truth of the matter is we have to discover who we are BEFORE we hook up with the opposite sex because time and time again, we fall into the trap of defining ourselves through the affirmation of sex!

It amazes me as to how carefree we have become as a people! I don’t understand when the rates of infection are at an all-time high…it seems we should be more careful than we are. For instance, I was just talking to some friends in the ATL the other day and they were telling me that they banged the same chick in the same day…just a few hours apart! I mean, MY GOD! And the kicker is, neither of them used protection on the chick!!! What’s up with that?

This is our generation folks…the number of AIDS and HIV cases is on the rise, not to mention that STDs are being transmitted like there’s a sale going on at the mall…and still, with all of this, we still don’t prepare ourselves for war! We refuse to see the scheme of the enemy as it pertains to our destiny being robbed from us by someone we barely know! Have you ever thought about the number of visionaries who were snuffed out from AIDS over a piece of tail? If the grave could speak and tell us the doctors, lawyers, scientists, etc…and even more, the fathers, mothers and children who have been devoured because of our lack of self-control…all because of our need to be affirmed!

I don’t know about you, but this is REAL TALK for yo azz!!!!!! This is the stuff that we need to talk about when meet up for church on Sundays…cuz, FOR THE MOST PART, it seems as if everybody in the church seems to get off on passing partners around! It’s amazing, I can’t understand how I’d feel if I was in a church service and the lady sitting across the aisle from me was someone that I had just banged with the night before!!! I know some people don’t think about that, but don’t get off on that type of stuff…there’s got to be some decency and some order if we’re going to direct our children into a brighter day!

While there are scandalous women, men can be just as scandalous so it’s not one sided but what I do tell my kids is that it takes two to tango!!!! But the question is…is it worth it? With all the diseases that are being transferred on a daily basis like money from a bank account, is it worth it to sleep around, if you get up with something that takes more than a shampoo to get rid of??? If you can even get rid of it period!

I’m tired of us sugar coating sh!$ all the time when our children are at stake! Working with young people of all ages and even young adults, I see the seriousness of today and with all that I’ve been through, and with all the faith that I can muster…I’M SENDING OUT THE ALARM to tell you be careful cuz you may be the one that gets the BUSINESS on your next trip to the doctor’s office!!!

Is it That good?

As I explained before, I often have no clue as to what I will write about until I begin typing. However, when I wrote about soul ties, I received an email from a friend regarding a relationship they were “caught up” in. In the email, this young man had typed a letter to a close friend informing her that he had to cut her off and couldn’t any longer afford to talk with her anymore. They had started out being friends and then it developed into being lovers. The amazing thing about this is that this is the same young lady that he told me about a few months prior and at that time, he was trying to end the relationship because he told me that he knew that it was an ungodly soul tie. I couldn’t help but ask myself what happened between then and now? Why was this still a current issue that had yet to be addressed? HE FELL INTO THE TRAP, as most of us do. Which means, he talked himself into believing that if he changed the parameters of the relationship, he could yet keep the attachment that had been made. TRICK! This happens every time. We meet someone and instantly, it becomes an attraction of lust because most of the time all we want is to “hit.” After we hit, for the most part, we know that this has now become a relationship “gone astray” but, we somehow believe that we can make things right! You know what I mean, we say we won’t have sex, but we can just hang out and be friends!!! YEAH RIGHT! WHO YOU THINK YOU FOOLIN’? Been there and done that, got my t-shirt and hat!

We continue to ignore the warning signs that tell us to basically GET THE HELL OUT before something happens, but we are afraid to cut the ties! Why? I’m not answering this just yet…I want you to think about this for a while because so many of us are caught up in these relationships and I’m not surprised at all. I was talking with someone just last week that asked me the question, why do we need playboy when we have BET? In today’s world, nothing is left too the imagination. You can see any and everything you want to see by just turning on the “tube.” You can hear anything you want to hear by just turning on the radio and for the most part, this is all we feed the soul. Day in and day out and then we wonder why we end up in the bed with someone after the first night! I was just talking to a close friend of mine just the other day who fell right back into the situation and it’s real hard because I see how nasty the girl is…I mean, if I can be real with you, she’s a trifling whore! She slept with two of my friends in the same day and it’s real hard for me to respect her…but I can remember when I was out there doing the same thing…so I can’t be too hard!

It’s just that with all the times I’ve had to go to the health department and as many diseases that are out here nowadays, how many times will we continue to play Russian roulette? It angers me when I see the generation coming up behind me with no regard for whatever when it comes to sex. I thought my generation was bad…we ain’t seen nothing yet, but yet we still continue to ignores signs, we continue to act as if nothing is going on and we’re in real serious trouble if we don’t expose this chemical imbalance in our soul. We have men and women who are desperately searching to feel the void in their soul and in so doing; they substitute wholeness for a RIGHT NOW orgasm. But afterwards, I have to ask you, what do you have? Is it worth the nutt? This may not be appropriate for those of you who are churchy, but for those of you who are serious about uncovering the “real deal,” I dare you to take a stab at responding. This can provide as the backdrop of an even greater issue as we continue to journey down the road called LYFE.

It’s sad when you see an entire generation who lacks identity seeking to identify themselves by the number of sexual partners they can attain. It’s sad when you see babies having babies with no concept of who they are and what their purpose is in life. It’s sad when you have people who would rather play Russian roulette by having sex without protection and run the risk of getting pregnant or, even worse, catching something that could lead to their death. I mean, what for? Is it that good? Is it worth being six-feet under?

Remembering where I came from

Yesterday was not one of my better days! If I can be transparent once more, I have to say that I spent a great deal of time last night asking the Lord to forgive me for how I allowed the enemy, the great deceiver and manipulator, to push my buttons. He knows my weakness especially as it relates to my mouth! I can say some of the worst things when my temper flares…and boy did it yesterday. I’m doing this so that you can see that I’m not perfect and even on a good day, if you’re not careful, a good day can become a horrible day if you’re not centered and focused on the Lord.

Let me fill you in on my day yesterday so you can see why I needed much prayer last night…it began at 4:30am because I had to teach the 6am bible study on behalf of my pastor who is traveling this week. The irony of this is the teaching was an overview of the book of James. The chapter that caught my attention and immediately brought conviction was chapter three which dealt with the tongue. When you get some time, read the entire chapter…it’s an eye opener! Well, I was transparent throughout the bible study as it pertained to me and my tongue and I let the congregants know that that’s something that I am putting on my altar because I truly want the Lord to do something with my foul language. I don’t know about you, but I’m cool until somebody pisses me off. When that happens, it’s as if I completely become a different person! Let me move on…

After bible study, I was determined to make the day a good one and keep my mind focused on God, when I accepted a phone call. FIRST MISTAKE! When I answered, I discovered that one of my young people who was experiencing some difficulty with a relationship. This was a relationship that I had warned them about, I must add, but this didn’t make a difference at this point, but I listened. It was obvious to me that a “soul tie” had been created so it made the break-up much more difficult. They were ranting and raving going backwards and forwards in everything they said which caused me to erupt and calm them down! In so doing, I kind of lost it for a minute but I was able to gather myself before I totally lost control. Well, got off the phone with them and got another phone call about another one of my young people. Let me stop and say, if you work with young people, you have to be willing to endure afflictions and then some and then some on top of that!!! But let me continue. This young person was talking about a situation where one of my trusted confidants allowed themselves to get lured into a sexual relationship almost like popcorn! Meaning, it wasn’t a week and they were “hittin’ the skins (having sexual intercourse)! The thing about this that really angered me was that no “protection” was used. Now, one thing about me is that I am very transparent about my past and all that I have experienced so for someone so close to be so dumb just for a piece…I mean, I hope you, the reader, can feel my disappointment. I can get into all the details but this situation bothered me tremendously and I got phone call after phone call after phone call because they were seen in public together being quite “friendly.” This was just the second incident and it wasn’t even noon yet. So, at about 2pm, I received my third phone call where I was informed about another sexual relationship that took place right up under my “nose.” And the thing about this one is that all of my young people knew about it as I began to ask around!!!

Well, for those who really know me…let me just say I WENT OFF! I hit my breaking point and began to make threats, cuss, and damn them to hell, so on and so forth! In hindsight, satan really made me look like a fool because God didn’t get any glory from my actions! All He could do was turn His head at my performance, and believe me it truly was a performance! The rest of the day was downhill because I, not anyone else, I allowed it to be so. What could I have done differently? Pray and then remember and reflect on what I used to be like. That’s the route I should have taken. Instead I chose the easy way, cussing, screaming, yelling, and then some…which in the end does more damage than good!

I had to really spend some time with God last night after one of my mentees reminded me that I had to take the higher road! You see, I was ready to cut folks off last night…I damned them to hell and everything, and my mentee stopped me in my tracks, told me to calm down, and think about what I was doing. When I did that, then conviction fell on me and I was utterly embarrassed at the way I was acting out. And this caused me to really take a deep look within my heart because something wasn’t right. Why do I look down on people who struggle sexually? Why do I call people names and try to put myself on a pedestal as if I wasn’t a slut, whore, or tramp? Is it a male thing or what but I had no business discrediting or shaming anyone because in my search for God I allowed myself to hook up with any and everything, thinking that I wanted an orgasm, when, in actuality I was really in pursuit of a divine encounter with God!

The journey doesn’t stop when you’re elevated…the pressure increases and for those who are serious, it costs tremendously to delve deep within the soul to take a face-to-face look at SELF! I ended the night before I went to bed, by addressing some issues with the very young adult that pissed me off the most to let them know that no matter what happens…they are still loved by me and I’m going to walk with them even when they journey into the valley of the shadow of death! Even leaders need to be honest and remember the scripture that says, “and such WERE some of you…” I thank God for humbling me even more as I journey to save this present generation!

When God speaks...will you be able to handle it?

We often pray for a word from the Lord…but I wonder if we really know what we’re doing? When you pray to the Lord and ask Him to speak, you have to be prepared for whatever He says. He’s not going to say what you want Him to say. The word that God will give you will completely “bust” you up! It will completely knock you off of your feet! When you ask Jesus to COME! Do you realize what you’re asking for? God is a consuming fire and when He comes He completely takes over. It’s not a fair fight to say that I’m fighting with God. God will allow you to wrestle Him for a season, but believe me, you’ll have some scars afterwhich to remind you of your stupidity.

Whatever He told you to do, He expects His word to be accomplished. We oftentimes think that God is earthly and He can be manipulated or He can be negotiated with. NO, whatever He told you to do from the beginning, He’s not going to change His mind! You may have prayed, Lord show me your glory! Well, for those who may have prayed that, you have asked for all hell to break loose in your life; don’t worry, you will see God alright, in a “very real way.” When God opens His mouth…He’ll say something that will completely revolutionize your thinking and will instantaneously take you from one state of mind…to another. When God speaks…the crooked places become straight…when God speaks…the high places are made low…when God speaks…the darkness becomes light…when God speaks…your world will be radically changed…when God speaks…your life will be transformed…when God speaks…He’ll completely wreck your world…all for His glory!!!!

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again…be careful what you pray for…because God is faithful to do what you ask. I prayed a long time ago to be used mightily of God. I prayed for a double portion of my father’s anointing. I prayed all the wonderful sappy prayers that a lot of us pray during an emotional time in the service. And, let’s just put it like this…He answered my requests in ways that I could never have imagined! He used embarrassment, pain, agony, obscurity, confession, sickness, exposure, and I could go on and on, however, He used all of that to bring about the answer to my request. So I close by saying again, be careful what you pray for. But the question I want to leave you with is this, for those who have prayed and asked for houses, cars, clothes, money, and a spouse, are you prepared for God’s answer? Whatever it may be?

Who are you fooling?

Each and every one of us, if we'd really be honest is dealing or struggling with an issue that has kept you from walking in what God had ordained for you to walk in years ago! The scripture tells us in Hebrews 12: 1, "to lay aside every weight and sin which does so easily beset us..." and in Galatians 5, we are told, "You ran well, who interrupted you that you ended up not finishing your course..." Time and time again...we've gone down to the altar to be delivered from the same thing! I don't know about you, but I'm tired of that. I need ”shonuff” deliverance. I need to know that I'm in the will of God and I need to make sure the enemy knows that he has no victory in my life. It is him, the enemy that has had me going around day after day, faking the funk for people...making them believe that I was something that I know I'm not! What is it going to take for us to get real with the Lord about where we are on this journey? I don't know about you...but knowing that my children are at stake provokes me to get up out of my slumber...knowing that my grandchildren are waiting on me to get to my destination provokes me to get up...knowing that the lives of those that I've been pouring into are of no effect because of the hindrances in my life...cuz all I've done was transfer the same mediocre spirit into the next generation. We often wonder why our children are the way they are.... well most of the time...they got the same spirit from us! We have to check our crowds and rid ourselves of people who are bringing us down! We've got to rid ourselves of the spirit of infirmity, the spirit of greed, the spirit of entitlement, these spirits have been deceiving us into believing that we were okay and that somebody owed us something...
The enemy in-a-me has played me for the last time...I'm going to get up...and submit to the voice of God! Submit until it hurts...until I'm dead to me...then and only then will my labor not be in vain!!! I don't want to do all that I'm doing...and see no change...no transformation in the lives of our youth...they're worth it to me...I don’t' know about you...but they're well worth the sacrifice! It's time to tell the devil that he will no longer have a stronghold on us and get us twisted up and cause us to grow weary and faint!

It's time to arise and take dominion and lay aside what we've been covering up! Because in the final analysis, you ain't foolin' anyone but yoself!

Peace

The questions of life - Why? What? Where? How? Who?

This is a question that many people ask themselves…but more so, they ask God! Why did _______ happen to me the way it did? Why was I the one that grew up without a father? Why was I molested? Why was I raped? Why did my mommy abuse me? What did I do so wrong? Why did I have to pay my own way through school, but my friend had a trust fund that paid their complete tuition? Why was my family the one with all the illegitimate children running around? Why did my grandmother end up having to raise me? Why is my daddy not around to cheer me on at my softball games? Why is it that I walk into the mall and I’m looked at as if I’ve committed a crime? Who am I? What am I doing here? How did I get to this stage of life? What is the meaning of all this tragedy in the world? Why all the child murders? Who could hurt an innocent child? Why would anybody want to hurt an innocent child? How did my daddy end up on death row? Will I ever see him other than behind bars? Will I ever be able to ask my mom about her childhood, because I’ve never even met her? What did I do that made her give me up to strangers for adoption? Who? What? When? Where? Why?

The questions of life…so many of us spend an entire life searching for answers. It’s amazing thinking about how much time is spent throughout the day wondering the who’s, what’s, etc. of life. I could have allowed myself to get so encumbered and wrapped up in the whirlwind of discovery that I could have wound up missing out on life! Let me explain, we have all been sent to this earth for purpose and destiny. Everyone’s life is going to be different, so don’t let yourself get caught up looking at the hand that someone is dealt. Most times we complain because our life isn’t the way we want it to go…in our eyes, everything that could go wrong, does go wrong! In our eyes, life’s a drag! In our eyes, the world is out to get us! In our eyes, it seems as if God has forsaken us…and the truth of the matter is, if that’s your perception, unfortunately that becomes your reality.

I used to complain and wonder why my dad had to die when he did. At the age of 25, I was just beginning to stand on my own…and all of a sudden TRAGEDY! One phone call altered my entire life! The frame that I had built of my world came crashing down and, to me; I had to start all over from scratch! I could have let that one situation, be the end of all life, but I had something inside of me that said that there was more!!!! There was more to life than just my dad…I couldn’t throw in the towel…I asked myself, if my dad were here, what would he do? Would he want me to be complaining or would he tell me to get up and LIVE? Hmmm…Makes you wonder why all of the extra shenanigans of life? Why all the drama? Why couldn’t life be a little bit simpler…why does it feel like I go from one extreme to another? I can’t tell you how many times I jump when the phone rings now, knowing that it could be a call about another tragic misfortune…I can’t tell you the number of times I get up in the middle of the night to check and make sure my sister and mother are still breathing…you’ll never really know or be able to understand the days on end that I wonder about my own health. My theme for living has become the question, “When I die, will it matter that I was even born?” Any day could be my last and at this point of my life, I’m not so enamored with the questions of life - who, what, when, where, why, and how any longer. If I allow the questions to take my attention, I’ll never go any further than yesterday, for fear of the unknown. Hell, that’s why – that’s why all the stuff can happen in the world…murders, crime, abuse, abandonment, etc. It all happens because people allow themselves to get frozen in a stagnant state of stolidity and would rather reach back to yesterday and MAKE things happen, rather than ride the waves of life to wherever or whomever it may bring them!

In the midst of everything I’ve been through, I’m even more determined today to reach forward into the unknown parts of my destiny and purpose because I know that what’s coming for me is greater than what’s been!

Until next time...See ya!

REAL TALK (PART III) - This thang is serious ya'll

Good day to you all...for those who haven't been reading continually, I began this past Thursday, responding to an inquiry that I received on 6-27-05 when I was writing about "Lord, I believe but help my unbelief." Someone responded and the response was so poignant and heartfelt, I felt compelled to address the questions that the writer composed.
Today's blog is titled, Real Talk (Part III) I took the writer’s inquiry and put my responses in CAPS.

What is it when there are those few things that you can't seem to beat and stay in victory? THERE IS GOING TO BE A THORN IN THE FLESH THAT YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO CONTEND WITH, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. AM I SAYING TO GIVE UP FIGHTING? NO, BUT UNDERSTAND THAT PAUL LEFT IT ON RECORD WHEN HE ASKED GOD THREE TIMES TO TAKE AWAY HIS THORN. THE THING THAT ADJITATED HIM, THE THING THAT BOTHERED HIM, THE THING THAT HE PRAYED AND ASKED GOD TO TAKE SO THAT HE COULD REALLY LIVE FOR HIM BUT GOD’S RESPONSE WAS, “MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!” THIS IS PAUL THAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, THE SAME PAUL THAT WAS A RELIGIOUS FREAK BEFORE HIS CONVERSION. THIS IS THE SAME PAUL THAT WROTE TWO THIRDS OF THE NEW TESTAMENT. EVERY ONE OF US HAS AN ISSUE, SIN, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, THAT IS RECURRING IN OUR LIVES ON A DAILY BASIS. SOMEDAYS WE THINK WE'VE FINALLY BEAT THIS ONE DILEMMA AND WE OFTEN THROW IN THE TOWEL WHEN IT CREEPS BACK UP BECAUSE WE'VE EXHAUSTED ALL OF MAN'S TECHNIQUES IN TRYING TO GET RID OF IT. THIS IS HOW WE PHRASE IT, "IF I COULD GET RID OF _______, THEN I COULD REALLY LIVE FOR GOD." OR, BETTER YET, THOSE OF US WHO ARE SINGLE WILL SAY, "WHEN I GET MARRIED, THEN I CAN REALLY BE SAVED BECAUSE IT'S TOO HARD TO FIGHT THE TEMPTATION." ALL TO FIND OUT THAT AFTER THE WEDDING IS OVER, YOU STILL WILL HAVE FLESH ISSUES THAT YOU HAVE TO CONTEND WITH. ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I THINK IT'S SO HARD IS BECAUSE MANY OF US WERE GIVEN SOME FLUFF MESSAGE FROM THE PULPIT, LIKE "SHAME ON YOU IF YOU'RE BEING TEMPTED...SHAME ON YOU FOR THINKING THOSE NASTY THOUGHTS, SHAME ON YOU FOR EVEN ALLOWING YOUR MIND TO ENTERTAIN YOU KNOCKING THE BOOTS WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT YOUR SPOUSE." WE'VE BEEN GIVEN THIS CRAP FOR SO LONG, WE BEAT OUR OWNSELVES UP SO BAD BECAUSE WE FORGET THAT JESUS TOLD US IN THE GOSPELS THAT WE WOULD HAVE TRIBULATIONS IN THE WORLD. HE DIDN'T SAY THEY WOULD STOP AFTER WE REACHED A CERTAIN PLATEAU, BUT WE'VE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE, FROM THE PULPIT SOMEHOW, THAT THERE IS THIS UTOPIA WHERE YOU WILL CEASE FROM LABORING...BUT THAT'S A LIE! WE WILL STRUGGLE WITH SOMETHING UNTIL WE NO LONGER HAVE BREATH IN THE BODY...SO PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DEAL WITH CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND YOUR CONTROL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. STOP LOOKING AT WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND YOU, INSTEAD, FOCUS IN ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. FOR INSTANCE, THE WAY I RESPOND WHEN I WANT TO HAVE SEX IS A LOT DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS A FEW YEARS BACK. A FEW YEARS AGO, I HAD A DIFFERENT CROWD AROUND ME THAT AGITATED MY HORMONES, NOW LOOKING BACK, I'VE CHANGED MY CROWD...BIG TIME. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MY WALK WITH THE LORD IS ALOT MORE INTIMATE BECAUSE ALTHOUGH HE KNOWS MY THOUGHTS, I'M ABLE TO VOCALIZE THEM TO HIM...I UNDERSTAND MY PURPOSE AND DESTINY NOW MORE THAN EVER BEFORE AND I WON'T ALLOW THE ENEMY TO MAKE ME THINK I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND THAT MY BODY WAS CREATED FOR SEX...BUT WITHIN THE CONFINES OF MARRIAGE. I COULDN'T LOOK AT MY SITUATION FROM THAT PERSPECTIVE A FEW YEARS AGO. SO DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP SO BAD AND LEARN HOW TO BEGIN TO DISCUSS WITH THE LORD, VOCALLY, REGARDING YOUR INADEQUACIES. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, BUT GOD DOES CARE AND IS INTERESTED IN YOU OVERCOMING YOUR PAST HURTS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS. HE'S GOT A VESTED INTEREST IN YOU AND WANTS TO SEE YOU STANDING STRONG AND VICTORIOUS.
TO BE CONTINUED....

The Higher Calling

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO YOU ALL!

It's time for us to be real with one another because we're dying with this lethargic, shallow minded bullsh** that we keep spewing forth to one another in hopes to get people to believe that we're okay. I don't buy it...it's a crock of crap and I love the realness that this writer put forth in their questions. These are the real deal questions of life. I was talking with a friend of mine yesterday that was visiting Atlanta. They attended the church that I used to attend, New Birth Missionary Baptist Church that is under the leadership of Bishop Eddie Long. When they called me after service, they were at such a loss for words. I asked them if anything was wrong and all they could respond is, "I bought the tape for you, listen to it, and then we'll talk!" If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that statement after leaving New Birth, I'd probably be a millionaire. But the truth of the matter is this, Bishop Long ministers straight from the heart and couples his delivery with transparency...in turn, it causes a true seek to manifest in the minds and hearts of the listeners and there you have the reason why the church is busting at the seams at 30,000 in membership. This isn't the only reason why the church has grown the way it has, but one of the main reasons is when you're at New Birth, you kinda don't feel like you're even at church...other than the praise and worship. After that, the music changes and you feel as if you're on a Space frontier and you're going where few people dare to go! You feel like you've been transformed into a different realm and I really don't do it justice because I can't even think of the appropriate words to describe it.
However, I'm writing this because I wonder why more people don't leave churches today, burdened the way I used to leave New Birth. I mean, listening to my friend and his inabililty to put in words just what happened in service took me back to the 5 years that I was a member and how many Sundays I stood in the tape line to purchase the tape so I could rehearse the word for that day. I would listen to the tape no less than 7 times and then dialogue with other members as to how I could apply the word in my life.

Why do preachers give such a watered down presentation of the gospel today? Why are there so few places where the word of God is being spoke WITH POWER! I can't help but think of the book of I Samuel when the bible records that the word of the Lord was rare and the lamp in the tabernacle had almost gone out! I'm not trying to be prophetic but that's exactly where we are in the body of Christ today. We have a generation hungry for the word but we have clergy who are stuck in how the word was delivered in 1940. Not everybody, but some are stuck in the 60's and 70's as well, and very few people are delivering a word that is relevant to the times that we are living in.

It's time to be real with ourselves if we're going to reach this generation...we have to do exactly what the children of Israel did when they were exiting out of Egypt. They took the best of their traditions, not everything went with them. WE might need to leave testimony service back in the 70's. No disrespect intended, it was good for the time, but today, there's something greater that God is calling forth. We need to embrace the new things that God is speaking for NOW in this dimension. We may need to think about not using the Hammond B3 (this is for the Black Church), and look into using the synthesizer in order to change up our presentation. We may need to look at each of the denominations and see what was good and keep it, but what was done just merely for the fact of tradition, discard. If we don't take the time to do this, we'll have more and more people falling by the wayside. I look back at my days at New Birth and I truly have to thank God for waking up the me inside of me that was dormant. In other words, I was going nowhere fast! I had a form of godliness because I looked like church but I had no power. I couldn't live Sunday night what was spoken forth on Sunday morning...but I could shout and sing with the best of them. If the hammond B3 was playing behind the preacher, you could expect me to be waving my hands.
However, there was still an emptiness inside that no one ever addressed, that is, until I stepped foot into New Birth in January of 1994. I call it the year of the Great Awakening because I could no longer run in circles and avoid the Higher Calling of God that was on the inside screaming to get out!

Every single one of us has a Higher Calling that has to be awakened...if you're going to church and you're just going through the motions...then maybe, no not maybe, you need to find where your mail is being delivered too on Sundays. You need to find a place where the word is not preached with tickling verbage that makes you feel good...you need a place where God convenes and confronts you in the deeper recesses of your soul. It may hurt, but there comes a time when we have to grow up and move past the fluff that we like so much. I don't know about you, but I am tired of church, the way it's been. I didn't give up my fun in the world to come in church and live with all these rules and regulations. I mean, my god! I didn't give up all that I did, to come and watch a preacher get off on a 3 point sermon...I've got to live on the word that he delivers and it's a bit of a slap in the face to confine God to just some quick encouragement on Sunday. NO, it's time for reality to be displayed from the pulpit to the pews with ministry and outreach from the spirit to the spirit! I'm going to end this now...but I hope you get my point. We have to REPRESENT the Gospel in such a way that it wakes up the Higher Calling that is inside of us that will bring us into our destiny and purpose.

(I will continue with Real Talk Part III, on Tuesday)